In A Funk!?!?!?!?!

If you are a Facebook friend, you may have noticed that I have been in quite a funk lately. In fact, I noticed this week, that several of my friends have been feeling quite similarly. Maybe it's the end of summer. Maybe it's how overly busy we all are. Who knows. Whatever it is, there's a lot of people out there who are just not feeling quite like themselves!

What does that mean for me? It means nothing feels quite right. I am not sleeping well. I am easily irritated (should be read as everything around me ticks me off!) My workouts don't excite me and usually are not up to my usual standard. My runs are trash...mileage but only because I have to. Generally, I am a whining and complaining mess. It sucks. And it sucks to be around me during these times too! Sorry dear friends, I love you, but I know I am a pain to be around when I am like this!

So, how did I get this way??? Well, you see, I did it to myself. I apparently am way too much of a people pleaser and have a very hard time saying No. Simple word, but so very hard for me to say. And what happened...I got way too overwhelmed and way too stressed out and pretty angry and felt slightly abused! Not good feelings I assure you!

A lot of it stems from my frustrations about my hip, work, weight loss, not getting pregnant, missing my family, etc. etc. The biggest stressor has been work though. I have not had much time off lately because I do not have a reliable backup to process while I am out. I have been trying for several months to get this one person completely trained but I can never finish his training. He is always pulled away when I am trying to finish things up. I have taken a couple days off in the past couple of months due to a visit with a friend and due to a death in my family and each time management was supposed to process and take care of my job. Each time, the whole process was all screwed up and a huge headache for me!! Ugh!!! I just want to be able to take a day or two (or a week) off of work and be able to come back and not worry about the disaster that I will have to deal with. I don't feel like that is too much to ask for!!! Oh well! I am trying really hard to get my backup completely trained in the next couple of weeks because I am definitely taking some time off and soon!

My hip is doing better. But I know that I am actually scared about reinjuring which causes me a lot of concern. I hate that I can train or run like I want to for fear of reinjury! I find myself being more timid in my workouts and my runs because I don't want to hurt. It sucks! So, in order to challenge myself further, I apparently agreed to run a 10k and 5k in September. I am already scheduled for a half in October and am seriously considering a half in December too. I guess that would mean, I need to get over my fear and just run. Luckily, I have some good friends who also run who have agreed to help me. Cathy and I get together every Saturday morning for hiking, jogging or running. We are trying to incorporate more running into our routine now and so far, it's pretty good. Also, my friend, Chuck, runs and he has agreed to try and help me out more. He told me that I need to start just running as far as I can for now (without pain) and try to keep increasing it. I like this plan. So, Monday, I jogged for about 1.5 miles. It wasn't too terribly fast but it wasn't bad either especially since it was after leg day with Tye! Tuesday, I had a bad run because my legs were still sore from Monday. Wednesday was elliptical day for me. I am hoping that if I feel up to it, I might get a good run in today...we'll see!! I am excited about the upcoming races but feeling slightly intimidated too. So, this shall be interesting. I will keep you posted.

And my sleep schedule has been so off this summer. I sleep but I don't think I get quality sleep a lot of the time. This week, I have slept in our guest room because I am tossing and turning a lot and don't want to keep Jason awake. I feel like I may have gotten a little bit better sleep most of the week. However, for some reason, last night, I went to bed at 11:00 p.m. and was wide awake by 2:30 p.m. I gave up on sleep at 3:30 p.m. and can only pray that coffee will sustain me today because it's another full day!!! I will likely sleep pretty well tonight though!!

I have had quite a few meltdowns on friends this week and last week. I hate that too. I try really hard to keep it all together because that's generally what everyone needs from me. But lately, I feel like I am falling apart. And I have fallen apart in front of a few good friends and I am thankful for them. I think being able to be real and cry through some frustrations is helping me to feel better and to work myself out of this funk. It's hard to pretend everyday that life is grand and wonderful. I hate when people tell me that you should just fake it and eventually it will be. Sometimes you have to be dead honest about your feelings...positive or negative. Sometimes you have to be 100% real. And lately, I have been holding back a bit too much. Don't get me wrong, I am still reserving a good bit of things (that's just me!) However, I am releasing some unnecessary frustrations too!

And this week, my lesson is to learn how to say NO. LOL!! Tye was preaching at me today about learning that. I am a people person and I like to help others. However, I have to remember that occasionally I need to think of myself first. So, if I have to say no to protect myself then NO is the answer. That's going to prove difficult, but also be necessary. From now on, I am going to be in charge of my own schedule again instead of letting others dictate my time. And I am going to make sure that other realize my time is valuable too. Yeah, that's right, I am going to take up for me!

Okay, now I feel like I am rambling. Don't get me wrong, I have had a great summer. It's been crazy busy, but some downtime is in order. A return to my normal schedule is necessary! A return to my positive and happy demeanor is a must!! Next time, you read from me, I hope to be completely out of this funk :)