Friday morning, I was all out of sorts. I was terrified of the race and of my hip and of everything in general. I had read earlier in the day that if you did not clear the roads by 9 a.m. then you would be picked up by the shuttle and not finish the race. I was very nervous because I did not want to not be able to finish my race. I needed this finish to give me a bit more confidence about my other upcoming races. So, I ended up getting extremely teared up during training...enough that we had to stop training so Tye could go into pep talk mode. He understands where I am since he had surgery on his shoulder last year and has had some struggles trying to regain where he was prior to surgery. It was a good pep talk but still not enough to calm my nerves. I picked Chuck up and he promised me a nice kick in the butt for Saturday. Cathy also promised me a good kick in the butt too. But mentally, I was not ready for this race. I was a bit paralyzed by fears. My goal for race day was simple...finish the race. I wanted to finish this race and finish as strong as I could.
Saturday morning came too quickly for me. I did not sleep well. I got up and got myself ready. I tried to make sure that I had everything together and prepared for the race. I stretched and I kept trying to psych myself to where I knew I needed to be. This was much harder than I thought it would be. Cathy arrived and the three of us headed down to the dam to get our timing chips for the race and get ready for the start.
Before the Race
The race started at 7:30 a.m. We got in to position early. However, Cathy and I had expected there to be a strip for us to run over that would start the timing chip for accurate timing. There was not a strip so the fact that we started back further makes a difference in our times. I wish that I had worn my watch so I could have had a more accurate time. Anyways, we all started off and I had a pretty nice rhythm jogging from the beginning. It didn't take long before my shins and then my hips started to feel aggravated. I slowed my pace and then started walking. This was the first time I had ever thought of not finishing a race and I had not even moved past the first mile. This was not a good start for me. I was tired and mentally drained. I was hurting and I actually considered letting the shuttle pick me up sooner rather than later.
After I came through the 2nd mile and got my first cup of water, I was feeling a bit better but still worrying about the shuttle bus and where it was. I refused to look back and see what was behind me. I focused myself on the person directly ahead of me and trying to keep up with her (as much as was possible). During mile 2, I caught sight of both Chuck and Cathy ahead of me. They were doing awesome and I was excited for them! I had a little renewal of spirit and knew that I had to do the best I could because they would be waiting for me at the finish line. So, I continued to push through the doubts and fears and continued looking forward. At each mile marker, there was a person reading out the time to you...which was a huge help because I had a decent idea of where I was in my time. And I was so happy to see those water tables at mile markers 2, 3, 4, and 5!
As usual, I found a couple kindred spirits and chatted with a few of my fellow runners/walkers along the way. There was a woman who kept running ahead of me and then turning around and running back towards me. After the third time she did this, I stopped her and asked what she was up to. She was actually trying to get mileage in for a full marathon that she is doing in a several weeks. I also spoke with a young lady who had a similar stomach bug two weeks before the race and was feeling the same as I was about her endurance level. And then there was the lady behind me with the Garmin who was keeping a slower pace but fast enough to finish before the shuttle would have to pick me up. I then knew I had to stay ahead of or with her in order to avoid the shuttle.
Mile 5 was the hardest for me. I was hurting and aching and tired...so tired. I was pushing myself to keep moving but not pushing myself. I was holding a slight bit in reserve in order to actually finish. I knew that I would have to have something left to run across that finish line. So, I kept a reserve. I did not give this race everything I had but it took everything out of me. Once we got close enough to the finish line, I started running faster. I heard Cathy and Chuck cheering me on and knew that they were there, so I pushed as hard as I could to finish. I finished strong.
Me, Chuck and Cathy after our post-race breakfast at Cracker Barrel
I needed this race and this finish. I know several things now. 1. I am not ready mentally or with my mileage for my half-marathon in October. 2. I am still able to push through the pain and mental crap to finish my race. 3. It is time to kick mileage into gear and ramp up training to get me ready for the half.
Even though this was a difficult race, it was an important race for me. It was the race that told me that I still have it. I am still able to compete. I still have what I need mentally to continue on this journey. And I know that I am not ready to give up running yet. I may be starting all over again, but I will fight to keep in this sport. I will work smarter and harder to prevent future injuries, but I will continue to run and continue to compete. I am looking forward to my 5k next weekend. I am going to get some more mileage in this week and work a bit on my endurance and speed. And I have a goal in mind for next weekend, but I am ready...at least mentally.
This race reminds me of a song that I listened to repeatedly when Dad was sick and I was traveling back and forth to VA to help out. It's called "Stand" by Rascal Flatts. The particular lyrics that stuck out to me were "Cause when push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of. You might bend til you break cause it's all you can take. On your knees you look up, decide you've had enough. You get mad, you get strong. Wipe your hands, shake it off, then you stand. Then you stand." I am still determined and motivated, no matter how afraid I might be, I am still facing the challenge and standing strong. I finished my race and finished strongly and I will continue to keep pushing and fighting.
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